Chapter 12

In the end, only the lawyers won. Mounds of billable hours made partners of many junior associates. For most, their fates were ripped cords on golden parachutes. There were only a few extended stays in rather cozy accommodations.

The trials dragged on for months. Decisions on venue, discovery, motions to delay. The headlines grabbed attention for a few weeks, but the story soon faded into the background, replaced by the next scandal in this endlessly repeating pattern.

I can't complain too much, as one of the golden parachutes that unfurled was my own. They couldn't fire me for whistleblowing, so they fired me without cause. While sequestered, waiting for my time to take the stand, my severance check arrived.

With my funds I found myself a tiny plot tucked inside a pretty little town, just far enough away from the city. On tree lined streets, with neighbors to wave to, friends to be made, I finally found my peace.

I could live my days out comfortably here, or I can pack up and go as I please. All I know is that I'll no longer have to do it alone. With more than enough for myself, I was able to bring Natalie along.

In the summer, our days are spent tending to our garden, walking around the lake or strolling the farmer's market. In the fall we rake the leaves that have fallen off of hundred year old Oaks. Our winters are cozied up together indoors, but each spring brings the anticipation of summer's return.

There is little more that I could ask for here, and yet each day brings new joys. Like lazy mornings and getting to see her standing there, as she is. Wholly herself. The pleasure of resting my attention on her, the kindness she expresses by remaining present with her presence. If I never looked in another's direction, it'd be too soon.

It's here where we both finally feel a part of something, rather than apart from everything. It's here where our smallest choices become part of a collective action. It's here where each thread gets woven in as a necessary piece of the tapestry. It's here where we're seen for who we really are.

Enough seasons have passed that I've found acceptance for Bethany's role in all of it. She was in so many ways both an agent of the fraud and a victim of it. I'll never have the opportunity to ask her why she did what she did. I'll never know that part of her, the fear that drove her into complicity to begin with. There wouldn't be what now is for me had it gone any other way. Her decisions are as necessary to this life as any of the ones I made for myself. I could hold on to the resentment if I wanted to, but I'd rather just sit quietly on a bench.

Down there in the city, little has changed. The grime remains a weight on all that it touches. The bitter acrimony of lost dreams, the heartbreak, the oppression of it all is etched deeply on everyone's faces. They slumber along the streets, desperate for a change. They're met with little solace and even less hope. They somehow manage to keep going.

They're all dragging their buckets along with them. Half filled, and thirsty for more. My hope is that they find a fraction of what I have. That one day the tension breaks for them as well, with the water finally overflowing.

Looking back, it's difficult for me to say what it was I sought. Was it justice for all involved, or merely safety for myself? I had little choice at the time but to keep placing one foot in front of the other. The papers called me brave, for having the courage to stand up. As I reflect on it all, I don't think I agree. If I could have found this any other way, I can't say I wouldn't have taken an easier path.

And so there is no rational cause for my escape, how it managed to be me here in this home. I don't know how much it matters. I only have to accept that this is my fate.